longwinded | Asgard IC Inbox.

(art by

leitmotif)

[You tried to reach John, didn't you? Unfortunately for you, you are going to get this message--]

Hey! You've reached my bracelet thing, which is pretty weird to say, just leave me a message and I'll get right back to you!

[CLICK.]

V O I C E | T E X T

just state which in your subject line!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

knightime

Johnny boy. Oh Johnny boy.

[Hello, this is Dave. He is contacting you.]

I assume that all is calm on your end? No stray storm spirits to pull at your hair and steal your glasses? No more shitty screaming? Like, dude, you gotta tell me if you're completely okay or not.

Just say the word and I'll be Superman and you'll be Lois Lane. I'll swoop in and, well, I can't fly anymore and neither can you. I would honestly say that exiting through windows would not be a relatively safe course of action and we're probably trying to avoid doing particularly dumb shit. Mostly because I'm sure Jade wouldn't be too happy about it. I mean, we're technically fighting some war and things have been kind of not so great. The last thing she needs is us jumping out of windows to reenact some comic book characters. I can hear Rose disapproving of such actions in the distance. Even when she's not here, you know she's judging the hell out of me.

[Dave yawns a bit.] Three years of not being online at ridiculous hours talking to you guys. You know how weird that is? You know how weird it is to be able to tell time? On a meteor, the days don't really change. Everything is kind of black and empty. There's absolutely no scenery and we'd probably be moving too fast to even see scenery. I mean, there were the dream bubbles, but those were hit or miss.

But, holy shit, time actually is a thing here. The sun comes up and goes down and we have night and day and it's so normal it's kind of really weird. I'm pretty sure you're used to it already, but I'm kind of still getting the hang of it. No big deal, I'll have this under my wing in no time. If Austin Powers can be defrosted and brought back to society, than so can I. Sans the being frozen for an indefinite amount of time. That would be the most holy piss I would have taken. You would be proud of me with how much my bladder would have held. It's probably all the juice I drink.

Let's be real. If I could replace my blood with juice, it probably would have happened by now with how much I drink it. Three years. Three of the worst years of my life without the sweet nectar of apple in my mouth. We never got around to alchemizing it, although we did alchemize some other stuff. I guess alchemizing is still useful, even when we weren't doing anything. Let's just say that I haven't stopped drinking this stuff since I arrived. I actually don't want to admit how many bottles I've gone through. It's probably for the best that I never give out those numbers. It's like asking a girl for her age or weight. You don't.

Please tell me that you guys didn't spend your entire time wasting time watching movies or playing games. Even if I'd be all up for playing games now. The whole not internet business is really kind of a downer. I can't spend copious amount of hours browsing through cat photos.

We should hang out later. Preferably soon. We have a lot of catching up to do. Last time wasn't so great with the whole screaming stuff and everyone kind of in chaos. Today would probably fair better. No storm spirits to bother us and we can get some quality bro time. And we can take some sicknasty selfies together.

Edited Date: 2014-02-27 01:37 pm (UTC)

From:

longwinded

[After the initial message it takes John some time to come back with a reply. He hadn't heard this much talking from Dave in a really long time, and honestly he had to step away for a moment to laugh. He couldn't even look at this bracelet the entire time Dave was talking- just listening to the audio play was enough for him.

He missed Dave a lot, but hey. Who wouldn't miss their best friend?]

You know it's a damn shame we can't fly anymore. That was like my favorite part of this entire god tier get up. Flying. Flying was so cool like I could float above someones head and they couldn't do shit about it.

It was weird on the ship. Jade and I did try to watch a lot of movies. But we eventually got really bored with that. Then it was my birthday and we tried to watch Con Air and I kind of found it lame and Davesprite pissed me off. So I threw some tantrum and passed out in my driveway- but uh. Davesprite and I are cool now. No worries there. Also if your blood were apple juice, wouldn't you be drinking your people? Or be some weird apple vampire? [???????]

But yeah man, I'm all cozy in my new place and I think you should come visit. I live over in Freyr now. The door is always open for friends.

From:

knightime

[Rude. SO RUDE. How dare you find this funny.]

I sometimes forgot we could, to be honest. But I'm also the time guy that forgot he could travel time, so maybe that invalidates what I just said. Of course you'd like the flying part.

I'm gonna tell you that it was probably weirder on the meteor. Did you meet any of the dead trolls? Man, that was weird. They're also kind of terrible. Like not necessarily bad terrible but terrible. You know what I mean, right? [Wait.] You had a tantrum and passed out on your driveway. And you made fun of me about my selfies. Did you even hear yourself just now?

Do I look like I care? I'm all for surviving on purely apple juice.

You aren't that far from where I am. Remember? I helped you move in and I live literally in the free housing they offer to new folks. I would be pretty offended if you forgot. Helped you out for nothing. Rude.

Edited Date: 2014-03-03 11:16 am (UTC)

From:

longwinded

[It's fucking hilarious, and very welcomed.]

I haven't met any of them yet, that was literally the last thing I was doing. I was throwing some sort of fit of anger and then I just passed out and then hello I ahve arrived in Asgard. That was a year or something ago, I've been here for a long ass time it feels like.

Also your selfies are lamer than the fact I passed out in my driveway, just sayin'.

[Look he's slept since then.] You should come over more often. Like where is the best friend love? I feel none. Woe is me.

From:

knightime

John. My selfies are from three years ago. Longer than three years ago. Sorry to say, but when you're comparing something I did three years ago to something you probably did pretty recently, I'm gonna be skeptical. Especially when that recently done action is throw a tantrum on your driveway. Who even passes out from that?

[Dave is probably gonna crash soon.] Wow, stop being a big baby. I'm still getting used to living here. Chillax, I'll hang out more.

From:

longwinded

So what? That shit carries with you forever. You take one look at it later down the road and you go, "holy damn what in the world was I doing three years ago"? Then you get heavily disappointed in yourself. Though it's you. I don't think you could get disappointed at yourself.

Me? I guess. I was pretty mad.

[Be a man, don't crash on him.] I am so chillax right now.

From:

knightime

Everything I do is perfect. [Dave doesn't really believe that, but he definitely doesn't regret the selfies. He fucking got a good laugh out of them.] Those selfies were great.

Pretty mad. Who passes out after throwing a tantrum?

You're being a whiny, needy girlfriend is what you are.

From:

longwinded

Right. Perfect in the sense that it's terribly ironic later on right? [Okay, those were good selfies. Really. They were.] We should take some and plaster them on Jade's door. [Because Jade needs to hang with them.]

I am not!

From:

knightime

Damn right. Although, in this situation, it was just pure gold and I didn't realize how great I was at thirteen until now. [They're just beautiful selfies.] Hell. Fucking. Yes. Because she needs our visage plastered to her door.

You so are.

From:

longwinded

Whoa there man, don't get ahead of yourself. [Good though.] Imagine Jade waking up one morning and all of our ridiculous selfies are plastered across her door. Her reaction will be so priceless she will have to call both of us.

['_']

I don't think so.

From:

knightime

Jade was not prepared for us to be within the same vicinity of each other in person. No amount of traveling with you prepared her for that. Not even with you and Davesprite were she prepared for us two. [They're two different people, so duh. Different.]

You're in denial, dude.

From:

longwinded

She'll be the most unprepared if Dirk and Davesprite join in. She'll probably kill all four of us. [.....]

Go to bed, Dave.

From:

knightime

She wouldn't kill us. But she might wag her finger and give us a really intense lecture or something. [Or she'll kill them. She'll decide that she won't be a pacifist for this one moment to kill them.]

Make me.